Music can change the world because it can change people

I was super duper excited to discover that Santa (aka my parents) had listened to my whines and I got a vinyl record player for Christmas. On Boxing Day, I rushed out to McNally Robinson and Music Trader to get a few new records to play in addition to the ones I got from my parents. 

As I was listening to Under a Blood Red Sky that night, I realized that, ever since I had bought my first MP3 player, I hadn't really listened to an album all the way through in a very long time. When I was a teenager, I would listen to the whole album before deciding on favourites. I had a theory that if the lead single was the first track of the album, the rest of the album usually sucked. I also liked finding hidden tracks (in the days before the internet, I would usually find them by being woken from my sleep when I let the CD play all the way through). 

However, since I've had an iPod, I usually just download the one song I want and avoid the rest. This was amazing to me, at first, as I wouldn't have to buy all of a crap pop album for the one song I liked like I did when I was a kid. But now I have like two tracks from an album and nothing else. Even with my current favourite bands like Black Keys, The Gossip, Lykke Li, and Franz Ferdinand, I don't own a full album by any of them. The only time I would venture further into an album was when I heard a song I liked at a concert and looked it up (looking at you, "Lucid Dreams" by Franz).

I also realized that, of U2's last two album, I had only listened to "No Line" in full because I was going to their concert in Vancouver and I needed to "study up". I still haven't listened to "Atomic Bomb" all the way through (and only like non single "Love and Peace or Else" because of U23D).

Maybe it's due to cheapness. When I was a kid, CDs in my hometown were 30 bucks each so I had to be absolutely certain I loved a band before I bought it (Greatest Hits were a godsend for me).  Now I'd rather pay 99 cents for a song I know I like than risk 10 bucks on an album I don't love. 

But I think things may be changing after the record player came into my room. I bought Bella Donna by Stevie Nicks on Boxing Day because I love "Edge of Seventeen" and heck Stevie Nicks is awesome. Despite Edge of Seventeen being the first track on side 2, I listened to side 1 first and just let it play while I was reading. And I liked it a lot. I felt like a teenager again when I would sit around and let a CD I hadn't heard play in the background.

I'm still going to stick to iTunes but I think I may be willing to go to the record store and see what I can find. It's like looking for treasure.

There's so many good things.

I've had a lot of film instructors tell me that bits of yourself go into the characters you write. I've always liked movies that devote a lot of time to something a character just loves be it music, a book, or another film. It's like a secret you learn about the person who wrote the movie and it makes me curious to try and see why it was so important to them. I have a confession to make: the only reason I finally got around to reading a Jane Austen book was because of the movie The Lake House. Please, hold the laughter down to a dull roar.

I started listening to Bob Marley because of Neville in I Am Legend.

 "The people, who were trying to make this world worse... are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness." 

And began listening to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds because of Marion in Wings of Desire.

I still love Wings of Desire for introducing me to one of my favourite songs.

Sometimes I can see why the character loved their song or book so much and they become a large part of my own life like Nick Cave and Bob Marley's music has.

Even in my real life, I like asking my friends what their favourite music/movie/book is and why and I find it just to see if I can find why it's so important to that person. It's like looking into a small part of that person's heart. It's very cool.

I guess this curiosity is why almost all the characters I write are nerdy U2 fans.

To Boldly Go

As a kid, I was massively obsessed with Star Trek: The Next Generation. My whole life, I wanted to be an adventurer and that show fed my curiosity to see places others hadn't ever seen. On blizzardy nights when my dad would take our family for a ride around town, the snow flying past the windshield made me feel I was on the bridge of the Enterprise at warp. The show made me feel like I could be anything I wanted to be and I always loved it for that.

The only thing I hated about it was there weren't any Native people in Starfleet.

If I see myself on screen, then I know that I exist

Gabourey Sidibe

  

I've read numerous times of how other people of colour have been inspired by Trek into pursuing their dreams. It's why I was pissed when a former friend said Uhura was just a glorified telephone operator. As a child, I would have loved to see someone who looked like my mother as a Lieutenant or even a Captain on Star Trek. Not just because it would have been COOL AS HELL but it would have been awesome to have a role model in the sciences even if they were just a fictional character.

As of right now, I am still the only person in my family to get a university degree. I was the first to graduate high school. When I was kid, I taught myself to read and read everything I could get my hands on. My parents supported it but it was always sad to me when my dad couldn't help me with my homework because of his lack of education. When I first went to university, the fact that I had no one to learn from who had been there before was terrifying. Luckily, I met many Aboriginal women who were in the same boat as me and I made a lot of lifelong friends (Looking at you, Miranda, Anna, Angeline, and Randi) who I felt I could learn from. They also understand the subtleties of Native humour that many non Natives don't get.  

Even though I am no longer pursing the sciences, I still think it's an important subject. Yeah, it's cool that there's so many Native lawyers but there should be more doctors, physicists, and engineers. I used to work for a program that allowed children from reserves to explore various "career" options that involved showing them a day in the life of a doctor or an engineer and it was so cool to see them excited about designing a bridge or checking their friend's blood pressure.  I think a lot of us forget that the true essence of science is discovery and get distracted in high school by terrible teachers who made it horrible. I always loved physics but it is one of my weakness. I often wonder where I'd be if I had had a teacher that supported my curiosity on the subject rather than criticized me for a 63% on a final exam by sneering, "I thought you studied for this exam?" 

 Lastly, if there had been a Native person on Star Trek, it would have given me hope that we did make it to the future. I know, that sounds lame but hear me out. With a government effectively trying to wipe out our way of life and make it more "Canadian", it seems unlikely that our culture will survive without a massive campaign to maintain it. My Cree teacher told me that the Native languages most likely to survive into the next few decedes are Cree and Ojibway. With my sister and I unable to speak it fluently, I know that Cree is going to die out with my parents unless I put my mind to it and try to learn it. But when I think about stuff like this, I remember a quote from another sci fi show I came to like...

You lot, you spend all your time thinking about dying, like you're gonna get killed by eggs, or beef, or global warming, or asteroids. But you never take time to imagine the impossible. Like maybe you survive.  

The 9th Doctor, Doctor Who

I want to have a hand in maintaining my culture. I became a writer because I wanted to make sure that one day, there would be a Native character that a little Native girl could look up to. I became a director so I could make sure I had good parts for Native people. And I became an actor so I'd be ready to play the first Cree Starfleet Captain. 

Hey, we all have an impossible dream.

Turn Away No More

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/charlie_chaplin.html#tYLqhuYibAiBxoLs.9

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/charlie_chaplin.html#tYLqhuYibAiBxoLs.99

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world-not even our troubles. 

Charlie Chaplin. 

I've always liked how determined I am. The majority of what I've accomplished in life has been due to how stubborn I've been in my pursuit. It's why I have a hard time dealing with my depression.

It's the one thing I can't change just by convincing myself I'm going to. From the ages of 13-17, I was diagnosed with depression. I took medication and traveled 4 hours every week to see a counselor in order to deal with it. My depression manifested as being unable to sleep, feeling apathetic, feeling anxious over nothing, having intense crying fits, and angry outbursts. I also felt that I was observing my life from behind glass with the person living my life not caring about what I wanted. I was suicidal and would think of ways to end my life that would look accidental. It was a dark time and I still feel apologetic over how I mistreated my parents when I was at my worst.

At 17, I moved away to university and after a few months, I felt ready enough to stop taking the pills. A counselor told me when I was a teenager that my depression was the sort that would manifest all my life. For years after I stopped taking the pills, I was afraid I'd be needing them again.

Me at 16/17, thinking I was the definition of "cool". Not shown is the kilt I wore over jeans.

I understand being upset when things are going badly. It took me about a year to get over the worst of my mourning over the death of my grandparents. When my father had a heart attack, I would cry often during the days when we waited to see if he'd be ok.

I don't understand being upset for no reason. Late last year and early this year, I would go days without sleep whenever I had an assignment due even if I was prepared for it. I went to my finals in April with only a half hour of sleep, anxious the whole time that I'd faint in the middle of the exam. I would be overcome with intense bouts of rage where I'd lash out at family over nothing. And I became so apathetic that I thought about leaving school after I lost my focus and thought I didn't like film making any longer. Worst of all, I thought about hurting myself to get back at everyone who I had perceived had wronged me.

After the last thought appeared, I decided it was time to go back to the pills. But I was terrified of being weak, of admitting I needed help, and scared that the pills weren't going to have an effect. I always saw my depression as a weakness in myself because I couldn't deal with it on my own. I've pulled myself out of so many other things yet I felt so powerless over my depression because it wouldn't bend to my will. It kept me locked up inside my head while it screwed around with my life.
I was scared about needing the pills to help me deal with it but I hated how my depression took away my enjoyment of everything I cared about. I couldn't live not caring and so, despite my fear, I decided to talk to my doctor and get the medication I needed.

The doctor told me I'd start feeling the effects of the medication in about a month but I started feeling better almost immediately. Maybe it was the placebo effect but it was probably related to my decision to finally do something about the depression that had slowly been creeping its way back into my mind like ink in water. My depression sucks away my love of and amplifies the worst bits of my favourite things until I'm asking myself why I'm bothering with it if it is so horrible. The pills don't eliminate the symptoms entirely but, as my friend Bryan told me, they allow me to see things clearly when my depression tries to cloud my judgement.

Sometimes I'm still stuck in my teenaged mindset that this whole thing is going to haunt me forever and what's the point of anything. As an adult, I realize I can and have been happy even in the worst bits of my depression as a teenager. As a teen, I couldn't see anything happy in my future but now I know that things get better. They always do. There's always someone there to hug, someone there to say "Hi", someone to smile at me, to laugh with, cons to go to, places to see, music to hear. 

The good wouldn't be as awesome without the bad. And I know, eventually, I will deal with the bad.

"I could never love anyone as I love my sisters"

Subtitle:  
Yes, Dudes and Dudettes, major-league butt-kicking is back in town.

The only way I can explain what it's like to have a sister is to tell you to read "Little Women". The novel follows the lives of four sisters – Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy March – detailing their passage from childhood to adulthood. I read it as a teenager when a friend described me as a Jo and I wasn't certain whether to take that as a compliment especially after this friend told me my sister and I were essentially Amy and Jo.

I could also tell you to watch "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" to sum up my sibling relationship. It's the story of 4 brothers fighting crime in the big city...who just happen to be mutated teenaged turtles. Whenever we'd play Turtles on the playground, I was Leonardo. My sister would be Michelangelo and would get mad when I told her she was more of a Raphael.

As far as I can tell, we aren't mutations.

TMNT and Little Women: Basically the same story.

I remember the day my sister was born. I was just about two and it was the summer. I ran out of the elevator and yelled for my mother who was in a hospital room with my sister in her arms. As I felt that everything my parents did was a gift to me, I presumed the baby was mine. I screamed "my baby" until I was allowed to hold her. There's a picture of this moment where I ham it up for the camera, while my sister is exhausted in my little tubby arms while my mom is cautiously behind us ready to grab my sister if I were to drop her.

There are very few pictures from our childhood where she and I are pictured separately. She being 20 months younger than me, we were always close (even when I didn't want to be). Whenever I'd try to sneak out of the house to play with my friends, my mom would catch me and yell out the kitchen window, "TAKE YOUR SISTER". On days with terrible weather, we were each other's best friend.

But sometimes that kid just rubs me the wrong way. I see her as hot headed and she sees me a selfish. She'd sit on my chest when we were kids until I tapped out. I used to hang onto her thumbs with both hands until she was yelling for our dad. We both remind each other of embarrassing stories from our childhood (which will be left in the vault of our family) and call each other horrible nicknames ("Creepella" is a favourite that we alternate use of).

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“…Jo loved a few persons very dearly and dreaded to have their affection lost or lessened in any way.” 

Little Women

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People made fun of me after my sister got her first real boyfriend and all I did was complain about him. How they went to Wal-Mart for some reason and just hung out. Their constant dates to Burger King. Him teaching her about cool shows like Regular Show.  I didn't want to admit that I resented the poor guy for taking up time I felt belonged to me when it came to my sister.

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He's dull as powder, Meg. Can't you at least marry someone amusing? 

Jo

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I finally revealed to her how I felt after we got into an argument about my assy behaviour around her boyfriend. After she poked fun at me for being jealous of her boyfriend, she told me we'd return to regular hanging out.

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Together, there is nothing your...minds cannot accomplish. Help each other, draw upon one another, and always remember the power that binds you. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990

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I still see my sister as the Amy March and Raphael to my Jo March and Leonardo. Both pairs have volatile relationships that cycle between extremes. However they are the closest siblings within their families and are prepared to do almost anything for the other. When Leo is about to be stabbed by the Shredder at the end of TMNT, it's Raph that throws his weapons away first to save Leo's life even though they had spent most of their time together earlier in the film at odds. When Amy falls through thin ice, Jo skates frantically to save her and walks home in her bloomers, giving whatever clothes she could to Amy to keep her warm. This was a few days after Amy burned Jo's manuscript (which she had been working on for years) and Jo told her mother that she'd never forgive her.

---

I feel stronger with you close by

Beth

 ---

When my relationship of four years ended in a catastrophic fashion that left me severely broken hearted, my sister took the next bus into the city to be with me and just let me cry for three days.  This was after I hadn't seen her for awhile due to how restrictive my relationship with my ex had been. Last year, when a doctor informed me that I would need an MRI to see if I had a brain tumour, the first person I wanted to see was my sister, who hugged me for half an hour while I freaked out.

I've never had fights like the fights I've had with my sister and we have even threatened to never talk to the other again after some of those fights. But it is the other who we seek out when we're upset or hurt (including just after the fights we have). I admire her and think she's gorgeous. She supports me in every crazy scheme I concoct and listens to me when I need someone to bounce ideas off of. When I was in Australia, I wished she had been there with me so we could see the sights together and I bet she felt the same way when she went to San Diego the first time.

Despite our Noel and Liam Gallagher-esque battles, my relationship with my sister is extremely important to me and I doubt I'd make such a big deal about stuff that involves her if I didn't care so much. After seeing my dad lose so much time with his own siblings due to family feuds and what not, I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen to my sister and I.

Besides, she's the only person who likes U2 as much as I do.

SDCC or There and Back Again

I followed Carmen into a dark room, the only lights coming from the screens scattered about the ceiling with two massive ones at the front of the room. You can sense thousands of people around you in the dark. I hear Carmen telling me my seat is here. I can't tell where "here" is until I see Carmen back lit by a screen. I feel myself slap someone with my huge novelty bag that I got handed to me on the street and which I packed with my various purchases. I fall into an empty chair next to a dude who is typing up the whole panel on his laptop. And that was my first time in Hall H.

I got to be in the same room as Sirs Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen. PatStew once called me "my dear" and it was awesome.

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I've always been a nerd. Hence why I was upset when my sister went to San Diego Comic Con before I did. She being my younger sister means I've been a nerd longer. I refreshed Facebook constantly during her trip going over every one of her updates full of jealousy. She had an amazing time and said she was going back next year. I vowed to go with her. I've only ever been to my city's local con, C4. I was worried that the size of SDCC would make it less enjoyable than a smaller con. At my local con I was able to speak to the celeb guests and basically take my time on the sales floor. But with half of my friends going, I decided to just go in and see how things went.

The trip was full of a lot of firsts. The biggest one being was finally getting to meet my good friend Carmen, who I've known for just over 10 years but never met officially. As it always is when I meet a good online friend in real life for the first time, I was worried we wouldn't get on like we do online. My fears were quickly dismissed when Carmen rolled up to the loading zone at the San Diego airport and asked with a huge grin, "HOW MUCH!?"

Carmen and I after our bloodbath at Evil Dead: The Musical. 

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I get lunch with my friend Kim after we were both in need of a break in the con. We went to this amazing Mexican restaurant that had all-you-can-eat tortilla chips. Kim freaked out when she saw the Saints Row promotional presidential motorcade drive by and stop right across the street from us. She ran out, followed by me. I yelled over my shoulder at the waitress as I ran out that we left our stuff and we'd be back in a moment. We weren't dashing on the bill.

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In the WWE panel, the audience started the annoying, "WHAT?" chants. A guy dressed as the Governor two rows in front of me stood up, turned around and yelled, "THE WHAT CHANT NEEDS TO DIE A TERRIBLE DEATH".

A dueling chant of "YES, YES, YES" started and it was amazing.

I also ended up having a massive crush on the Gov (does that make me the Andrea in this situation?).

 Kim: he's into WWE and Walking Dead, you should marry him.

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The trip to the con also included a few days hanging out with Carmen in Vegas and a quick side trip to Area 51 (or Rachel, Nevada if you're nasty).

Since Carmen's foot was out of order, I had to drive. This turned out to be a bad idea when I ended up missing the turn to Rachel and drove 40 miles out of the way while Carmen was asleep.

By the time we arrived at the only business in town, the sun was setting beautifully behind the mountain range that circled Rachel and Area 51 all around us. The A'Le'Inn had a UFO hanging from the back of a tow truck and an old dude sitting outside the place watching us suspiciously.

The little restaurant/bar/tourist spot had only 4 people other than us inside. The bartender/waiter was prompt and told us a lot about the area. The cows we had seen all over the desert on our way down the Extraterrestrial Highway belonged to one man who herded them on horseback over miles of open desert. The cows were black and were the cause of a lot of accidents at night when drivers wouldn't see them in the dark. The herder's farm was on the  road known as "the Black Box" (actually white) entry to Area 51 and it was the road Carmen and I went down after we got the best homemade pie in America.

By the time we got to the black box road, it was so dark that the sky was bright with stars and the black cows were invisible until you saw their eyes. Carmen and I turned onto the road and saw the uneven service and foreboding look of the desert track leading to the site.

We had been warned by the bartender that the signs marking the "Cross this and get shot" border were easy to miss in the dark.  

After a moment of sitting in the car, I said, "......want to go back to Vegas?"

Carmen: "Yes."

On the drive back, despite signs warning of "low flying aircraft", Carmen and I saw only big-earred rabbits, black cows, and bright stars that we stopped to admire at the end of the Extraterrestrial Highway.

Sunset in Dreamland.

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I think my favourite part of the con was how at home I felt. From the moment on preview night when I saw clips from Star Wars playing on huge screens and took my first picture with an awesome cosplay, I just felt like I was in the right place. It was amazing to be in a room and not apologize for how much I liked something. It was great to have so much fun with total strangers as we took pictures on the Iron Throne or in Scrooge's Money Pit, giggling as we found the right angle to wear the hat. Being un-apologetically dorky is such a rare thing when you're an adult and I usually apologize for being so silly and forgetting myself in normal every day life. At the Con, I was rushing about to enjoy everything with a huge grin on my face.

My favourite picture of myself. 

To be with friends I hadn't met but getting on like we knew each other for years (cause we have) was brilliant and we have memories we still talk about. Angel tweeted me recently to ask, "Hey, remember that time we had to sit through a powerpoint presentation to get to the Hannibal panel?" after we had to sit through the One Ring panel, which was like watching a group of people outside a movie spoiling the whole thing for you. Despite that panel, panels I hadn't planned to attend were fun and the excitement of the die-hard fans was contagious and got me interested in checking out the subject of the panel (Looking at you, The Following). 

All in all, it was an amazing time and I am determined to go again next year. Here's hoping I find a job soon so I can pay for the mayhem.

Plus I still need to meet Andy Serkis!

I want you to believe in yourself, imagine good things and moisturize, I cannot stress this enough.

Makeup is such a mystery to me. I'm intrigued by the artistry that goes into putting it on. Though I do love the look of "natural" makeup, there are so many eye shadow colours available that I never knew why anyone would limit themselves to browns and nudes.

This summer, I decided I was going to start wearing makeup. My current routine is just Clinique's City Block in SPF 25 with the occasional foundation and blush for work. Putting on foundation continues to scare me as I'm nervous I'm going to look like Miss Chi-Chi Rodriquez before she was a full-fledged queen.

"And I'm gonna try and find a foundation that's a little closer to my actual skin tone."

I never learned how to apply makeup.  Usually, teenage girls learn from their older sisters and moms. I only had a younger sister and my mum didn't wear makeup so I didn't have anyone to learn from. I had friends who had their "beauty" routines but after my best friend gave me some horrible advice one summer, I stopped asking them questions. I have my father's genetics, which means naturally big eyebrows that have a mind of their own. As puberty hit, I became extremely self-conscious about them. I asked my best friend what I should do and she suggested I take my dad's shaver and "shape" my eyebrows. I accidentally shaved off half of my right brow and spent the next two months wearing Bono sunglasses to hide my lack of brow while it grew back in. 

As I entered my twenties, I always hated getting makeovers because the makeup artist would want to focus on a feature I didn't like about my face. I'm a bit self conscious about my lips and a makeup artist will get their hands on them and blow them up with gloss and dark pigment to an allergic reaction-ish size. I'd look at my huge Jagger mouth and feel like my head was about to fall forward from all the weight. 

Makeup should be about making you feel good about yourself. I've always wanted a makeup artist to focus on my eyes and it wasn't until I met this one guy at the MAC counter that he did what I asked him to. I looked like Pris from Blade Runner after the MAC guy was finished and I loved it. 

During my Voice class this year, I met the awesome Cella. I loved how fantastic her makeup looked. She looked like she had just walked out of a magazine and she put so much love into doing her makeup. During our random chats before class, Cella would tell me about getting unwanted comments about how excessive her makeup is. I told her how people would tell me my hair was too short for a girl. We told each other how we would tell these people to shove it. 

Cella does her makeup for herself and it's something I really admire about her. Her makeup never seemed like it was something she was hiding behind. Confidence is all about you. You can constantly be called beautiful but unless you believe it, no one can change your mind. In a world where you're bombarded with conflicting messages on how you have to be perceived by others, it's better to take back that power and decide for yourself how you want to be presented to the world. 

I went to Sephora recently and bought a brow powder set as I wanted to learn how to draw in my brows so they can look fuller. Also my love for Batwoman finally got me over my self consciousness over my lips.

I got Batwoman's lipstick matched to MAC's Russian Red and keep it around for days when I want to feel bad ass and/or fancy. I also added the orangey juicy clementine to my makeup bag, which goes awesomely with my bright eyeglasses, after everyone at makeup counters kept trying to give me pink lipsticks.

I may not have a makeup routine but it seems to lean towards the unique.

My job ended recently and as a parting gift, my coworkers got me a gift certificate to Sephora that includes a makeup lesson. Here's hoping I can get out of my shell a bit more with their help.

Any funny/embarrassing make up stories? 

Love is a first

At my last day on the job lunch with my coworkers/friends, I got talking to my friend Paul who is a huge Trekkie. We got into a discussion about how your vision of a certain character is influenced by who you saw first. He said it's why he prefers Captain Kirk to Captain Picard as a Starfleet Captain should not be "a bald, Earl Grey tea drinking" dude.

Only question I ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?

I totally disagreed ("PICARD GOT RESULTS") but he mentioned that it was because I grew up with Picard as my captain whereas Kirk was his. He also went on to add that the Tony Stark in his mind was different than the Tony Stark in mine as his Tony was based on the comics and mine was based on RDJ's portrayal.

I thought about it a lot and realized that it was pretty much true. My Batman will always be Michael Keaton. My Superman is always Christopher Reeve. These first characters become your archetypes for what the character should be and it's hard to shake. Though I really enjoyed Man of Steel, I was comparing Michael Shannon's aggressively determined General Zod to Terrance Stamp's cerebral dictator General Zod the whole time.

The only exception to this rule that I can think of is Commissioner Gordon. Yeah the first Gordon I saw was Pat Hingle in Batman but the Gordon in my head became the one I read in comics like Batman: Year One, The Killing Joke, and Birds of Prey. But my Gordon will forever be Gary Oldman's Gordon from The Dark Knight films. Partly because of my love for Gaz but largely because he showed the heart of the character.

Gordon, to me, has always been the example of what a good person of Gotham is. They're not blind to the corruption around them and do what they need to in order to survive but they still believe that things can get better. His desire to do the right thing isn't a weakness. The Dark Knight films were the first time he was a real flesh and blood character and that's why he became the archetype Gordon for me. 

Despite my love for The Dark Knight films, Alan Napier's Alfred from Batman 1966 is eternally loved by me.

They see me rollin'

They hatin'

I'm curious to see who your archetypes are. 

The Heart is a Bloom

Valentines' Day is upon us and while I wait until February 15th to make off like a bandit with cheap candy, I plan to listen to the radio/songza/my iPod. I have a soft spot for love songs as I think it's hard to write a good one.

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The Sweet

I reckon no one can write a love song like Hawksley Workman. So much so that it was hard for me to pick just one. I was going to pick "Merry Christmas (I Love You)" or "Chemical" but I think "Safe and Sound" is one of his best songs. The imagery is just so beautiful. Every time I've seen him in concert, he sings it like he's in love for the very first time. Gorgeous!

No looking back, no turning into salt.
The city was crumbling but, baby, we're not to fault.
When things got too rough, I promised you we'd leave.
You're safe and sound with me.

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As a child, my dad and my grandfather were heavily into Johnny Cash. I imagine "I Walk The Line" is the first song I heard as a baby as it is associated with so many good memories for me. My dad used to sing it to me when I was a little girl when we drove somewhere and he'd made me laugh when he'd do a finger puppet dance for the chorus. I love that it's a song about devotion that is conscious about the danger of temptation.

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

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Love songs don't have to be about sexual love. I am of the opinion that the best love songs are the ones that can be about platonic love. When I write, I usually have a song that I pick that sums up a character or a situation. I had been looking for the perfect song to sum up the relationship between a father and his daughter and I thought "Yellow" by Coldplay was the perfect song. I think it's the anthem of parental love. If there is one person you'd bleed yourself dry for, it's your child.

 Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do.

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The Bittersweet

 Maybe it's the pessimist in me but I love love songs with a bittersweet edge. The sort of song about longing for someone that either can't be with you or won't be with you. Why? I guess Spock can sum it up best:

After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting

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I don't know how country music got such a bad rep because it contains such gems! This is a particular favourite of mine. I remember hearing it in some movie and I had to look it up immediately to hear the whole thing. The last chorus just breaks my heart where she begins it with an edge and then just softens like she's giving in that her love isn't coming back. Tears.

 I walk for miles
Along the highway
Well that's just my way of saying I love you

----

I'm still bitter that I haven't ever seen Nick Cave in concert. As a teen, I was heavily into his music after seeing him performing in the movie Wings of Desire. I really like his dark "love" songs like "From Her to Eternity" (my favourite song) and "Loverman". "Into My Arms" has that bit of darkness but it's more sorrowful especially now after I read that Nick wrote it after a long-term relationship of his ended. With that in mind, it seems to be a song about hoping for the best for someone while still secretly wishing they'll realize they belong with you.

And I don't believe in the existence of angels
But looking at you I wonder if that's true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you 
----

There's two songs by U2 that, when I hear them on the radio, I have to stop and listen to the whole thing. One is "With or Without You" and the other is "All I Want is You". They're both songs you need to hear through to the end especially All I Want is You. U2 have loads of songs about love that don't end happily but this one is just the most tear jerking. I remember hearing it for the first time live and it was the one song I immediately shut up to hear (only speaking up when everyone in the audience sang the last chorus). When Edge played the guitar solo, I wanted him to play it all night. It just reminds me of the storm of emotions you go through when a relationship ends: the sadness, the longing, the pain, everything.

But all the promises we made
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you 

 ----

Lastly....

The Sexy

Who says you can't lovingly tell a person you want to sex them all over? My personal faves.

"Glorybox" by Portishead.

I'm so tired of playing,
Playing with this bow and arrow,
Gonna give my heart away,
Leave it to the other girls to play. 

"Slow" by Kylie Minogue.

You know what I'm sayin'
And I haven't said a thing
Keep the record playin'

"If You Wear That Velvet Dress" by U2

I've been good 'cause I know you don't want me to.

 ----

Let me know some of your faves! My iPod is ever in need of more songs. 

Give me a head with hair

Tomorrow I’m going to get my hair cut. And as usual, I go in with an idea of what I want. 

 

Daryl Dixon and Michelle Williams: my two biggest hair inspirations

I found people have a strange obsession with women and their hair. About 4 or so years ago I decided to go pixie. I had done it before back in high school when my mother told me she didn’t want me accepting my diploma with hot pink hair and it should be my natural colour for that day.

My hair at the time was shoulder length and a faded pink. My roots were about an inch long and so I had the local hairdresser take it down to my roots. My mother’s response: “I meant dye it back to your natural hair colour!” 

I’ve always loved and wanted short hair. As a child, I’d stuff my butt length hair into a baseball cap so it wouldn’t get caught in branches when I’d play in the woods. I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair past shoulder-length because of my Dad. As my hair reminded him of his mother, I had to keep it long. I put up with it but would whine like the biggest spoiled brat when my mother would have to braid it for pow-wow. That braid was so tight it would pull the skin of my face taunt.

When I cut it pixie again, my hair was just above bra line. The hairdresser tried to talk me out of cutting my hair as “my round face would look terrible” with that short a cut. After mentally noting not to tip her, I told her just to do it as it was what I wanted. I had to keep telling her to go shorter until finally, my hair was less than an inch long and I felt fabulous. The hairdresser even admitted it suited me and ever since I’ve been a pixie. 

It drives me to fits of hysterical laugher when people act like cutting off that amount of hair is some brave feat. When people see my hair, some girls will say, “Oh, I could never go that short! It’s so scary!” A car crash is scary, cutting your hair isn’t.

I didn’t slay Smaug, I just cut off my hair.

But I guess it can be scary as I’ve noticed that people don't censor their opinions of a lady with short hair. I’ve had older women at work inform me that I’d look so much prettier with longer hair. Dude-bros have told me I look like a dyke. Magazines rarely have a model with short hair (unless Michelle Williams has something to promote). It also drives me nuts when folk will insult Carol of The Walking Dead by saying, “Well look at her, she’s ugly: HER HAIR IS SHORT".

 I’d love to know how she keeps her hair that short in an apocalypse when the guys can’t even shave but I digress

I’ll admit I have moments where I wonder if I should grow my hair out. I think about growing it out so I can rock a Betty Page look or braid it like Katniss in The Hunger Games but then I remember I hated looking after my hair and it never looked good on me. Whereas my sister's hair is a manageable cape of Rapunzel-ish beauty, my hair, when it’s long, has a life of its own. It crimps in weird places, it grows awkwardly, and it doesn’t hold a style (my friend took 6 hours to curl it once and the curls started to unravel within half an hour).  And I always used my hair as a curtain I could hide behind. It was an excuse to be shy. And lastly, my hair was usually long because someone else wanted it that way. When I find myself asking why I want to grow my hair out, it’s usually because “Oh, that dude will find me prettier”, “I’ll look more like a girl”, etc. 

Well, fuck that. The reason I don’t grow it out is I love it the way it is. I feel prettier. I like the lightness of it. I like its sharpness. Sure I hate that it still finds a way to grow awkwardly (The back of my head and I hate each other for just that reason) but I'm not planning to grow it out past 2 inches anytime soon. 

My hair being short doesn’t make me any less of a woman despite what some old biddy may say. My boyish short hair is a girl’s haircut because a girl is wearing it (and rocking it).

And if a boy I date ever tells me “I want long hair”, I’ll tell him to grow it himself. 

Soranik Natu, Green Lantern of Sector 1417: doesn't need long hair.