Bustin' makes me feel good!

As a lovely tumblr post I've seen somewhere said: I am really enjoying this new film genre of Mens Rights Activist Horror Films. Films in this genre include Mad Max: Fury Road and Ghostbusters 2016. The so called man hating films that are taking macho genres away from the men with their positive female characters and the fact that the male characters are secondary. You've probably seen the man hate on Twitter, Youtube, and any other place stupid babies need the most attention.


I thought Mad Max: Fury Road was the best film of last year and I wouldn't have seen it without all the man hate it got. I also credit Tumblr's "It's actually really fucking good!" posts and the Biker Kookums in the movie for making me love it. So I'm expecting good things from Ghostbusters 2016 after seeing all the hate it's been getting months before it's even released.

I saw the most recent trailer for the film and really loved how bad ass it made all the female leads look. There's a scene around minute 1:08 where Kristen Wiig's character fires off her weapon and she looks like freakin' Xena Warrior Princess! I love how Thor is their dimwitted but well-meaning receptionist that they're most likely going to have to save at one point in the movie. I LOVE HOLTZMANN AND SHE IS ONLY IN THE TRAILERS BRIEFLY.

I'm also really blown away by the hate it's getting before everyone has even seen it. I think I know why it's getting so much hate from the men, let me tell you a story:

When I was a little girl, I loved the original Batman movie with Michael Keaton. I wanted to BE him and told my mum on Halloween that I wanted to go as Batman. She said I couldn't cause Batman was for boys. She said I could go as any girl character I wanted. So I looked at my choices in that movie.

There was:

Vicki Vale who faints after getting jump scared.

Alicia who is disfigured and presumably murdered by the Joker

And Martha Wayne who is killed by the Joker. 

For a long time, this was basically the choices for nerdy girls to look up to in their favourite media. The girls in nerd media were always secondary and the ones that needed to be saved or die for the male hero's story.

With the new Ghostbusters, this is reversed. The leads are the women who are going to have to save their guy. Now the nerdy girls and women are the Batman and the nerdy Gatekeeping MRA asses are the Vicki Vales. And they can't even handle ONE movie where they aren't the focus and that makes me laugh. 

So I'll see the new Ghostbusters and I'll cosplay as Holtzmann at my next con. Cause it's cool to be the Batman for once.

This girl is clever

I've been on a kick for the last little while looking for movies about Indigenous people. Not just First Nations obviously but other Indigenous folks from around the world. I was really loving Elle Maija Tailfeathers documentary Bihttoš when I saw it at Native Women and Film last month (where my film Crash Site also played awwww thank you!). Of all the narrative films I've seen about Indigenous people, all of them have had Indigenous women in the leads. Which I thought was just awesome.

I saw Rabbit Proof Fence when I was in Australia. I was in Brisbane after a day spent on the ocean, winding down in the common room of the hostel I was at when someone from South America wanted to watch an "Australian" movie. So we watched Rabbit Proof Fence. In case you haven't seen it, it's about these three Aboriginal girls who are stolen from their home and taken to a government school to be trained as maids. They run away from the school to return home, following the rabbit proof fence that leads back to their mum and grandmother. The best thing about the movie is that it's a true story. A 14-year-old escaped a terrible school with her 8-year-old sister and 11-year-old cousin and crossed 1600KMs on foot across the bloody desert. And the 14-year-old did it again when she was sent back in her 20s. This movie is one of my favourites! It's so rare to see a journey story with girls in the leads. And it breaks my heart every single time Molly and Daisy made it home and all Molly can say when she hugs her grandmother again is that she "lost one", meaning their cousin Gracie who was taken back to the school. She's been so strong throughout the journey and other than the time she was stolen, this is the only time she breaks down.

 One thing I always argue about with my good friend Sage is how the roles of women might have evolved within Indigenous cultures had we been allowed to let it grow as it should have. I say this because I was annoyed that there are so many rules barring me from rituals cause of moon time or just because I'm a lady. This is probably why I responded to Whale Rider so hard. The movie is about a young girl who's male twin was destined to become the next leader of their community but died at birth. She decides that she's really the leader and sets out to prove it to her grandfather. My favourite thing about the movie is how the acceptance of Pai as their leader starts to make her community better. I also really like the message of how holding steadfast to the old ways may not always be the best thing. Watch it, it's great!

Ok and now my favourite movie. But first, a rant. I am watching Canada Reads and was really annoyed at the comment that one of the panelists said about how there needed to be more "positive" stories about Aboriginals. Which annoys me. White people's stories aren't entirely positive or negative. There's good with the bad in everything. But one of the movies I think balances the good with the bad is The Sapphires. It's a funny movie with cute characters and an awesome soundtrack. But it's also a movie where one of the characters is of the Stolen Generation and deals with racism dealt out by people of her own community. That one hit me where I lived. Kay is Aboriginal but faces a lot of criticism cause she looks white. Her cousin implies that Kay hasn't had to face the same struggles she has had because of her skin colour. Nothing bugs me more than people trying to belittle the struggle of others. Kay was taken from her family as a CHILD and told that everything that she loved was wrong and she had to forget about it. I am a pale Native and I hate when people try to belittle my struggle. It's not a competition. Native isn't who I am trying to be it is who I am. And this movie was one of the first times I saw an Indigenous girl dealing with that struggle. Lots of love to it.

What are you waiting for? Go watch these movies! They're great.

Native Women and Film

Or How I was on a Panel with so many Amazing Ladies

There's a problem with Native culture where there's an unspoken belief that the success of one person is at the expense of another. I met Alanis Obomsawin recently and she said that jealousy is so prevalent amongst our people and it needs to be eradicated. Vitriol would always come up back home on the reserve whenever anyone would tell anyone else about their good day, their success or whatever. This is best represented by this comedy sketch Craig Lauzon did where he mentions his brother thought Craig thinks he's "better than everyone" cause he left the Rez. 

Cause the worst insult a Native can throw at a Native is, "You think you're better than everyone?"

Personally, I've never felt that any success I've got has been at the expense of someone else. I've worked hard for my degrees and to keep the funding I received. I've worked hard at jobs I've had to be really good at them. I also prepared for 2 weeks to be ready for a film pitch at Gimli Film Festival in 2014 (that I won). And it hurts when people imply that my success hurts someone else. 

Hence why I was happy to be around the ladies at Native Women and Film. It's a week long event focusing on female filmmakers and their films focusing on Native issues. And everyone was AMAZING and insanely talented. I got asked to show Crash Site and I was really honoured to be amongst the likes of Amanda Strong, Jennifer Dysart, Jessie Short and others, all ladies I really admire.

Getting to meet these ladies made me feel like Po from Kung Fu Panda meeting the Furious Five: I've held these ladies in high regard and basically internally nerded out over them when I got to meet them (particularly Elle Maija who's film I saw for the first time last night and really loved). And I felt really great that Crash Site was chosen to be shown with films like Mia and Bihhtos Rebel. I kept thinking about what Alanis said (who all the ladies held in high esteem). I couldn't imagine feeling jealous of these ladies. All I could feel was amazement that I was there and intense nerd like enthusiasm to be seated with them. Like with Alanis, all I wanted to do was make more films to show these women I met last night and make them proud. Success for any of us is success for all of us and it gives us all more opportunities. 

From maijatailfeathers

Support people, people! Can't we all just get along? 

Your Face Like Snow

As I was approaching thirty, my good friend and companion Sage warned me of my impending need to settle. I narrowed my eyes.

My fair city is going through a massive babe drought and finding a suitable gnetleman or lady is a trying task for a lazy person like me. I've been on a few dates in the last few months and the majority have been with men still pining for their exes. In addition to that problem, Okcupid and Tinder contnue to be wretched hives of scum and villainy. And whenever I complain to either my sister or Sage about these dates with guys who tell me outright that they miss their ex, they tell me I should see where it goes.
 
In recent years I’ve found that I much prefer to be by myself. If it’s a choice between a second date with a dude who moped the whole time or a night by myself, I’ll go with the latter. Plus having been in an abusive relationship makes you realize that being alone isn’t all that bad.
 
One of the worst things that happened during my abusive relationship was how low my self esteem was brought down by it. Your self esteem is tied to your abuser during these relationships and it’s always kept at a lower level so you start to believe the lies the abuser is telling you. So, once I got out of that relationship, I wasn’t sure how I felt about myself. Luckily, I started to realize my own value and really begin liking the person I was.
 
I also met Bono during this time.

I’ve spoken about my massive u2 obsession in the past and the time I met three fourths of the band. I’ve also mentioned how awesome it was to speak to Bono. But I think that meeting was also a turning point in how I felt about myself and what I wanted out of someone else. It was because of this meeting that I started jokingly judging men on a scale of 1 to Bono.

At this time, I still felt that I wasn’t a person worthy of love. I liked myself but I didn’t feel like anyone else would, especially not someone I’d consider a potential romantic partner. Not that I would consider Bono a potential romantic partner, he’s like 4 feet shorter than me and wears platforms. But I digress.The thing I remember the most about meeting Bono was how I felt when we were speaking. I spoke to him about seeing u2 in Australia, how much I loved the show, how I spent my 25th birthday there, whatever. And he listened like we were best friends catching up, keeping eye contact and chuckling at my various witty remarks. The best part was how he made me feel like I was the most precious thing in the world to him. And not in the romantic way, just in a way that made me feel like I mattered to him. It was bizarre but one of the best moments of my life so far. 

Please ignore my weird face. I was probably two seconds from crying the whole time.

And it’s not that I want to be the most important person in a romantic partner’s life. It just felt great to realize I wasn’t broken after the abuse. I was still worthy of being thought highly of, of being seen as precious to someone and that was what I needed then. I reckon Bono calls every girl "sweetheart" but he'll never know how much it mattered to me that I felt like I wasn't as unworthy as my abusive partner made me feel. And I mattered to Bono. So fuck that other guy.
 
Though I've chosen celibacy for the next little bit, I know my worth now. And I really want other people to know their worth too. I felt so bad when I saw this girl at the salon talking about her horrible sounding boyfriend treating her terribly. If my head wasn't shoved into a sink, I would have told her to kick him to the curb. I think sometimes feeling bad is better than feeling alone. I know how it feels to think you'll never be loved again. But "love" isn't worth it.
 
So know your worth and be with someone who knows it. Even if it's yourself for now.

One Scene Wonder.

I love movies. I wouldn't make them if I didn't cause making movies is a long ass boring process. It's why I have a soft spot for movies that are terrible but still have some sort of redeeming quality. I also use this as my excuse for why I still love Street Fighter.

Fuck you, it's amazing.

 

But even in the worst movie with the most cliched story line or terrible acting, there's always a scene that can save it for me. Hence why I still love a lot of movies I hated as a kid. There's this Jonathan Taylor Thomas movie with Chevy Chase playing his dad that I thought was the shits as a child (mostly because of their faux Native hipster boy scout crap throughout the movie) but it has one of the best endings I've ever seen. Chevy Chase is about to marry JTT's mom in this beautiful outdoor   wedding while JTT in voice over is summing up the movie. And they play Return To Innocence for the whole thing and it's amazing! 

 

A single scene can save any movie for me. I hated Revenge of the Sith for the entire time I was sitting in the audience at the midnight showing opening night. But the second they show Obi Wan dropping off Luke with his Uncle and Aunt and they do the call back shot to A New Hope with Beru and Owen looking at the binary sunset I was like, "THIS WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER."  

 

I'm fickle, what can I say?

 

My favourite bad movie has got to be The Next Karate Kid with a pre fame Hilary Swank playing the annoying as hell Julie. Despite her faults, Julie had a kick ass taste in music and she was the reason I got into The Cranberries. I was 10 years old when Julie went into the monastery to practice her drills and she put on Dreams by The Cranberries. Dolores O'Riordan's voice is one of my favourite sounds in the world and the last 2 minutes of Dreams is my favourite part of the song. I don't know if the scene is made because of Julie's shadow spar or the song or a mix of both. But I love the scene with its adorable dancing monks and Dolores' vocals. 

 

 

I also dig the movie for Julie kicking the crap out of the dude who was stalking her for the whole movie. Some guys just deserve kicks to the head. 

 

I love scenes that stand out and long after I have finished bitching about how much I hate a certain movie, I will recall scenes I really liked and made the movie worth it. I can't hate on a movie if it was entertaining even if it was only for one scene.  Anyway, I want to listen to Dreams again. 

Don't mess with his funky flow

I credit my friend Sage with getting me into one of my favourite shows of 2015: Steven Universe. It combines all my favourite things: fantasy, adventure, mystery, clever dialogue, and WOMEN KICKING ASS.

Female identifying sentient rocks to be exact

I wasn't originally interested in the show despite the abundance of GIFs I kept seeing from my Tumblr friends. I was incredibly obsessed with Gravity Falls and didn't want to go down the rabbit hole with a new show. But Sage kept pestering me to watch it so he'd have someone to talk to about it.

And I really liked it! I went through every available episode throughout the summer and continue to rewatch episodes I've enjoyed. I really love how much the show focuses on the strength and beauty of femininity, the value of friendship and family, and the joy of being yourself and fighting to protect that. 

According to Wiki: Steven Universe is "the coming of age story of a young boy named Steven, who grows up in the town of Beach City living with three magical humanoid aliens, the Crystal Gems: Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. Steven, who is half-Gem, goes on adventures with his human friends and helps the Gems protect the world from their own kind."

Each episode is 10 minutes and has filled me with wonder for that reason. I can't believe how this show can be so emotionally complex with only 2 seasons of 10 minute episodes. 

A message from Steven's mother to Steven aka the episode that broke my heart. 

This generation of animation that believes its audience can handle this complexity is just killing me with its greatness. 

My favourite part of this show has to be the fact that the most respected warrior in the galaxy with a legend that precedes her is a 7 foot tall woman in a wedding dress that loves pink. No, my favourite part of this show is how the Power of Love will kick your ass. 

I am made of love and it's stronger than you 

There is basically nothing I dislike about this show. Even the stuff I thought I'd dislike like the songs were things I came to enjoy.  As a child, I thought to be "girly" was the worst and this show made me realize that "girly" is just as or even more bad ass than lone wolf toxic masculinity. 

This show also blows me away with its positive representation of not only women but people of colour and general body positivity. ARGH THIS SHOW. It cannot return quick enough. Go watch it, I'll wait here and we'll talk about it later.

Awasis.

I was never as lonely as I felt when I was the only little Native girl in the world that liked Batman (or so I thought).

I wrote my short film Crash Site because I wanted a movie about a bunch of nerds that were either Native girls or girls of colour. I also wanted a Native super-heroine that was shy and from a reserve. I designed Maggie Thunderbird with my good friend Kelly Tindall and I was speaking to him about creating a pitch so we can get her an actual comic book! Here's hoping.

Maggie Thunderbird as designed by me and Kelly. 

I continue to be blown away by the response Crash Site has got. It's wonderful to know that other people want Native girls being nerds and being awesome. But I hadn't seen Crash Site with the audience I intended it for: Native kids. 

Cue my friend Cella and her mum, Silvana, asking me to speak at Strathcona School to their kids Grades 1-6. I showed the movie during the assembly and spoke to a group of grade 5s afterwards. I was nervous the night before as I knew how I reacted when I was a grade 3 kid and some loser came to speak to us at my school. I was ready to be thrown out because I was so boring. Yeah, there was a bit of unrest when I introduced the movie but once the movie was halfway through, the kids were quiet, laughing at the right moments, and enjoying everything.

Two parts that blew me away though were when Cella told me about hearing little girls being horrified at a character telling her sister, "You can't act like an Indian fresh off the reserve" and overhearing another little girl trying to repeat the Cree lines after she heard them. But the best part was when I got to talk to the kids of Grade 5 about the movie and what they thought about it. A bunch wanted to know if I was going to make it longer. One kid wanted me and Kelly to make the comic book. And they all wanted to know what I wanted to make next. The teacher mentioned that the kids had been thinking of questions to ask me all week and she had hadn't seen them so focused for a guest.

It was great to hang out with a bunch of kids who were as nerdy as I was when I was their age. I loved cracking jokes about nerd memes and talking about Spiderman with them. And seeing their excitement to talk about making and acting in their own movies was infectious. I had a great time! And I felt really touched when they asked if I could send them a link to the movie.

Even though I am still terrified of being run out of the school cause I'm so boring, I would still like to visit another school. Here's to Native nerds!

 

Stronger Together

I'm a huge Superman nerd and will get into huge nerd arguments about how awesome he is. As a girl, I loved that he could fly. As an adult, I like that he's an endless fountain of hope and optimism in a world that tends to value anti-heroes.

I was also a HUGE fan of the Helen Slater version of Supergirl.

I always wanted to do that dip your hand in the lake as you fly over it thing.

So when I found out that there was going to be a Supergirl tv show. I was like, meh. Gotham turned out to be this batshit fanfic straight out of the mind of a 13-year-old girl and Man of Steel made me hate where DC was going with Supes so I had little hope for it.

Until I saw a Supergirl photoset on tumblr and saw that HER SHOES WERE SENSIBLE. 

So I watched the pilot and was charmed by her dorkiness, her optimism, and her sweetness.

Then I found out that this show is wall to wall women and I was down as hell for it!

AND HELEN SLATER IS HER MUM

I'm only two episodes in but I just went hard on that show. I love its celebration of femininity, that Kara has so many awesome women in her life, and that being a "girl" isn't a negative thing. She begins to take it and own it.

I also really love her relationship with her older sister and the season-long subplot related to her Kryptionian aunt's relationship with her birth mother. Kara and Alex's relationship is so refreshing and multifacted and ARGH THIS SHOW GOT ME SO HYPED.

But my favourite thing so far is the value of help to Kara. Kara tries to get all Superman in her first few outings as Supergirl and she ends up causing a mess of things. So she gets help from her friends James, Wynn, and her sister. In the second episode Kara tells James,

"Back on Krypton no one was their own man. Growing up I was taught that to accept help from people is not a shame, it's an honour."

AND I LIKE THAT. She's not just a refugee alien and one of the last of her kind that must go it alone. She's going to get help and be better for it.

SupergirlFanaticsTumblr

There's an unabashed sweetness about this show that I'm just loving. And it reminds me why I like the House of El: they inspire you to always aspire to be better. And this show is unabashed with its positivity, which I think people are missing the point of. It's not Gotham and it's not Daredevil. It's a show about a woman that wants to make things better. It's a show about women helping other women. AND I AM ONLY TWO EPISODES IN. ARGH I AM SO HYPED.

The Female of the Species

 I am a massive Sherlock Holmes nerd and nothing gets me annoyed than when I tell people that and they'll inevitably say, "Oh, do you watch Sherlock?"

Pinterest

I've seen Sherlock and enjoyed it at first. But then I realized that Sherlock's Sherlock is a really big douche. I didn't like that he lorded his intelligence over everyone and absolutely everyone was inept when he was around. I also didn't dig that Watson had absolutely no reason to hang out with him or be his friend.

Watson in the stories has always been a valued partner to Holmes. Holmes even told him:

"It makes a considerable difference to me, having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely."

Which, coming from Holmes, is a big deal. Holmes's relationship with Watson is one of the biggest weakness of Sherlock but it's one of the biggest strengths of one of my favourite shows Elementary.  

In Elementary, John Watson becomes Joan Watson, played with intelligent adorability by Lucy Liu. This caused a bunch of people to freak out when the show first premiered cause how DARE they make a white man an Asian woman! HOW DARE they not make her a solider! HOW DARE she not be a doctor (even though she is).

But Lucy quickly usurped Jude Law's position as my favourite Watson in fiction. And it's not just because of her fabulous Joan Watson wardrobe. 

Though I do try to steal her style

But she's such a great character. She starts the show as a disgraced surgeon turned sober living companion assigned to Sherlock Holmes after his stint in rehab. By season three, she's an NYPD consultant who takes over for Sherlock after he disappears to London and is probably just as good as he is at deduction. Together, they're unstoppable, working together as a great team that compliment each other perfectly. 

And the relationship between Joan and Holmes never goes anywhere near romance, which is amazing! They value each other, they deeply care about each other, but when someone mistakes Sherlock for Joan's boyfriend, she reacts with annoyance and mild disgust. He looks out for her and she looks out for him. They're family. Their relationship is how I imagine Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr's Watson and Holmes would have started their relationship. 

I also love that she doesn't take any crap from Holmes. When he tries to get her to pour him a cup of coffee by rudely holding his mug up, she tells him to do it himself. Or one of my favourite situations is when they have sneaked into the morgue and Sherlock is trying to convince Joan to dissect a body, which she isn't going to do. He starts to dissect the body himself but he keeps mucking it up so she takes over. 

Sherlock: That’s lovely. You’re really quite skilled, Watson....

Joan: No! I am dissecting a body in the middle of the night. We are not having a moment.
 

This show treats female characters so well that I just love when they add new women. I hope they bring more Ms. Hudson into the show (played by the amazing Candis Cayne) and after the amazing Kitty Winter arc, I really hope they bring her back. 
 

And Sherlock. He is a real person in this show! One of my least favourite things about Sherlock Holmes adaptations is how Sherlock gets away with acting like an insufferable know-it-all. Sherlock is an ass in Elementary but people call him out on it and he does try not to be so much of a dick (which he is). I like watching his growth on the show. His change from the person who tells Joan he doesn't need her in season one to the person who tells her he's better when she's around.
 

Maybe I'm biased cause I think Lucy Liu and Jonny Lee Miller are great actors but it's a legit awesome show. I've got about 10 episodes to finish in season 3 before season 4 starts on Thursday. I hope they bring back Ms. Hudson! 

Keep Winnipeg Weird 2: The Tunnel of BEER

Winnipeg has a weird history of underground tunnels. In a city that spends 9 months of the year covered in endless winter, I could imagine how a tunnel connecting buildings and heated with steam would be a wonderful alternative. The Pantages theatre had an attempted tunnel to City Hall that had been planned but ended as the Sand Room in the latter’s basement. The University of Manitoba has a network of tunnels that connect most of the major buildings to one another (the bit between the Fletcher Argue-Liz Dafoe Library and Duff Roblin is particularly scary) as does The Health Sciences Centre and Downtown Winnipeg.

However I’ve heard weird rumours about underground tunnels that have been out of use since at least the 40s located in the older parts of Winnipeg, connecting the oldest buildings in the city. The Free Press did an article a few months back gathering the various hearsay and rumours about these tunnels focusing on the tunnel system that (supposedly) connects most of the buildings in the Exchange District.

In my research, I’ve found mention of a tunnel that connects the Hotel Fort Garry to the Manitoba Club and Union Station. The Fort Garry was one of the first major hotels in the city and due to its proximity to the rail station, has had guests of very high statuses. Charlie Chaplin, however, stayed in the Windsor Hotel down the street when he was in Winnipeg. From what I gathered, the Fort Garry tunnel was used to transport guests to and from the hotel in the winter and also used to get dirty linen to the hotel from the Manitoba Club. I also read various accounts of the tunnel being used illicitly to secretly transport prostitutes from the train station to the Manitoba Club with the tunnel being haunted by a prostitute strangled and walled up down there. Security guards at Union Station can’t say for sure if the tunnels exist as the basement of the station is a labyrinth of entry points that have been out of use for a while. If the tunnel is there, it’s been closed up for years and may be flooded and unusable.

The Exchange Tunnels are the ones I hear the most about. Their primary use was for transporting goods in the winter and may have also been used to transport booze during prohibition. These have also been boarded up with the only entry point being the still used storage area that opens to the street near Main and Bannatyne. These tunnels were used by Al Capone during his time in Winnipeg.

The tunnel system I was most surprised by was the one connecting the Legislature building with the Vaughn Jail. It was used to supply steam heat from the power plant between the jail and the Leg as well as power the elevators within the Legislature. Later, it was used to transport mail by air tube. It was also supposedly used to allow politicians to escape angry mobs during the Winnipeg Strike. Like the other tunnels mentioned here, it's locked down to the public.

There are loads of underground secrets in Winnipeg that I couldn't find any information of. I've heard a lot about an old movie theatre under the Radisson hotel on Portage as well as a pool hall and second bar under the Windsor Hotel that was used during Prohibition. Here's hoping somebody can point me in the direction of these secrets.

Spiritied Energy! Or "Keeping Winnipeg Weird!"

I've heard all kinds of spooky stories about my fair city. From the secret Prohibition tunnels under the Exchange to the haunted Fort Garry Hotel, I've heard them all. So I decided to start a series focusing on the various paranormal and supernatural history and stories I can unearth about Winnipeg and the Province of Manitoba.

The first topic of this series shall be the Pantages Playhouse Theatre located on Main and Market.

 January 24, 1914, Winnipeg Tribune. Picture from West End Dumplings

I was originally going to keep this series based solely on research I had done on the topics I will cover. However, I couldn't start this series without mentioning my own interactions with weird Winnipeg. I started working at Pantages Playhouse Theatre when I was 21. I got the job through a former friend and just loved the place. During my time there, the front of house manager was this lovely woman named Kym who I continue to keep in touch with. The Pantages was the stage for a wide variety of shows: from cultural events to bodybuilding competitions to little kids' shows. I started as an usher then became an assistant bartender. I loved the latter more as being an usher meant being yelled at by late patrons who couldn't be seated until an appropriate time during the show. Being an assistant bartender meant lots of coffee making, ice cream stocking, and drink pouring.

The Pantages is classified as a Canadian Historic Site as it is one of the few surviving and one of the best preserved vaudevillian theatres in Canada. The theatre was built over 1913 and 1914 and opens on February 9th 1914. The Pantages chain was widely known for its Vaudeville performances and Winnipeg was used as a proving ground for performers and thus had many great acts travel through. As a classic film nerd, I was really blown away by the history of the teen-20s era Winnipeg. Kym told me how Buster Keaton had performed at Pantages as a part of the "Three Keatons" act he did with his family.

Picture from West End Dumplings

I'm unsure if it's still there but, during my time, there was a room that Kym called the "sand room" just off from the heating/utility room in the basement near the rehearsal hall. The Sand Room is exactly what it sounds like: a room filled with sand. I was told it was originally meant to be a tunnel connecting City Hall and the theatre but had been stopped before it could be finished. The freezers for the ice cream were kept down there.

One night before the show, I was down in the sand room with an insulated bag gathering ice cream for the freezers near the bar. I hadn't bothered to turn on the light in the room and left the heater room door open and used the light from there. I was leaning into the freezer when I felt something nearby.  I climbed out and looked about the sand room and saw the outline of a person standing near me. It was like if you traced a person and cut the outline out of paper except it looked like a person.

I zipped up my insulated bag and hauled buns out of the room.

I saw shadow man one more time before I left Pantages for other jobs. We were having some sort of formal gathering in the new lobby area of the theatre. An added portion was built on the side of the old Pantages and it's pretty stylish. We were setting up and I was asked to grab a mirror from backstage. Rather than take the back stairs, which would have been long and winding, I took the direct route through the fire door into the theatre itself and climbed the side stairs onto the stage.

I still nerd out over the stage at Pantages. I've only been up there maybe three times but it's always a hoot. The eerie blue "ghost light" behind the stage was my favourite thing. I was told by a friend that the ghost light is a theatre tradition and it is always on. Whenever I was backstage, I would always sneak a look at that old bulb lit up eerily.

My shoes clacked on the shiny stage and I grabbed the mirror from the side stage and headed back towards the fire door. Something like a distant foot stomp got my attention. The theatre is incredibly quiet when there's no one inside even with the lobby filled with people. I knew I was by myself. We weren't going to use the theatre for the event. I heard the noise again and something caught my eye from the balcony. I looked up and saw the shadow outline standing in the balcony, looking at me. I could feel my spine curl in on itself at the thought of having to go under the balcony. I clutched the mirror tightly to my side and power walked off the stage, up the side aisle, and out the fire exit door. The whole time I felt I was being watched.

Other weird things happened during my time there. If you were by yourself in the dressing rooms back stage, you always felt like someone was in the next room. Once I had put aside some drinks in teh storage room to take to the bar, would get side tracked with something and I would come back to find them in a completely different place.

I never felt threatened. It was a lot like when I knew my sister was trying to freak me out by hiding in a closet or something so I was hyper vigilant for the sound of her giggling. I hope the shadow man is freaking out a new generation of ushers and bartenders.

Check out West End Dumpling for a historical and less paranormal look at the theatre

"Where must we go, we who wander this wasteland, in search of our better selves."

So I've become obsessed with Mad Max: Fury Road. If you haven't seen it yet, go check it out.

It's always good to see films or read books that inspire you and Fury Road totally got my brain. It got into my brain for other reasons unrelated to how awesome it is.

As a woman of colour, I felt that I couldn't write anything "problematic" as I've lived a lot of the  experiences I tend to write about. Seeing Fury Road made me realize that just because I had been a victim of sexual assault didn't mean I was above using the horrible tropes associated with sexual assault in fiction. A screenplay I've been writing involved a scene where a character's sister is about to be raped in front of her. I thought that, because the character was female and her sister was saved, that scene would be ok. But then I started thinking about why I was using a rape of one character as a crime against another person. It bothers me when a woman's rape is a crime against a man in her life in various stories, films, whatever so why was it different in this case where the person in the woman's life was another woman?

One of my favourite bits about Fury Road is that the villain is a sex slaver and it has no on-screen rape. The wives' pregnant bellies, the chastity belts they cut off in one scene, and their obvious disgust for the villain implies a lot without the "titillating" shots that a lot of action movies show of sexual violence. You don't need to be shown a horrible act to know it's horrible yet a lot of movies will throw sexual violence into your face. I looked at my own stories and decided I needed to change some stuff.

I'm trying to be aware of how something can effect others. I hate when Native people are portrayed negatively so what gives me the right to not do good for someone else in a marginalized group. I've been struggling with this as I write a superhero story about a group of teenagers who, much like the X-Men, develop superpowers as they grow. One of the characters is Bronwyn: a young trans girl with the power to shape shift. I was just thinking about how it would feel to be a teenager, a horrible situation to be in already, with the power to make yourself over as you see fit. How about if you were trans?

Again though, I'm trying to be aware of the horrible tropes that have invaded my brain through bad movies and books. Media doesn't exist in a vacuum and I'm always trying to remain vigilante of what I do.

GIF Credit to Furioas on Tumblr

.....What are you still doing here? Go see Mad Max!

LLAP

I've mentioned numerous times that I'm a bit of a Trekkie.

 Marooned on some sort of ice planet. I think they call it 'Winnipeg'

I adored The Original Series as a child and felt like a grown-up when I watched The Next Generation. I've also mentioned numerous times that I was a huge weirdo as a child, never quite feeling comfortable in my own skin and annoying everyone with my anger at myself for not fitting in.

It's why I identified with the characters trying to find their humanity. I loved Data as he tried to learn what it was to be a human being. And I loved Spock as he dealt with his nature as a Vulcan and how that was at odds with being a human as well.

Leonard Nimoy died today. For some reason, I always felt like he was above death and would always be here. As I was cabbing it home with my mother from a doctor's appointment, I read on Facebook about Nimoy's death and told her about it. I also started to think about how his character helped me out as a little girl. I posted my thoughts to Twitter:

 

I've always wanted to speak Cree. It was the secret language of my parents and grandparents, used when they talked about money problems (which was a lot) or about the behaviour of my sister or I (which was also a lot). And despite how my grandmother and grandpa give me everything I ever whined for, Cree was never allowed. When my dad would sneak a few words to me to repeat back, my grandma would laugh her ass off at my poor pronunciation and shame me into never wanting to try again.

It makes you feel like an alien in your own family. I'm not sure how my sister feels about it but I imagine it's similar. There was a gap formed between our grandparents and us. Never being able to communicate and being treated differently because we were different. Internalized racism or just wanting to talk secretly without kids listening, it was negative. I always loved listening to my mom speaking to my grandmother in rapid fire Cree and talking to my Dad about Cree words and feelings that didn't have a translation into English. 

Cree was my human side and English was my Vulcan side while never being very comfortable with either. My interest in science fiction is largely because of my background as an Aboriginal person. Since I lacked stories about Native girls, I took what I could from the heroes I found dealing with similar situations to mine. These heroes were often found in sci-fi. I can understand why Trekkies are so hardcore with their love and devotion of the show because a lot of fans are as emotionally tied to the show as I am.

Plus Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home was like the best movie ever. 

So I thank Leonard Nimoy for his portrayal as Spock. For helping this once little and always weird Native girl feel that her feet being in two worlds wasn't always going to be a struggle. You could always be two and one at the same time. It's only logical.

Fascinating

Lots of love to you, Mr. Nimoy, as you return to the stars.

 

EDIT: Updated to add this lovely article from Buzzfeed

Mutant and proud

 Mystique of the X-Men universe is a bad ass. I am usually not a villain person but I just love her specifically the Rebecca Romijn version. I identified a lot with her. Leave it to me to identify with a shape shifting murderess

You know, people like you are the reason I was afraid to go to school as a child.

I hated taking the bus as a kid and begged my mom to drive me to school whenever she could. The bus ride was 20 minutes of torture. A bully once put gum in my hair and another punched me but the worst memory I have of that bus was when a group of bullies tried to rip my clothes off. Even now I hate being on school buses. I feel both exposed and unsafe. 

I'm not sure what annoyed bullies so much about me. I have always been a smart mouth and a know it all but no matter how adults can justify the behaviour of kids, having a bunch of douchebag teenage boys treat me like I was subhuman goes beyond cruel. 

Even now I feel a bit weird in my skin sometimes. I'm a pale urban Native and when I used to go home after the first time I moved away, people would criticize me for "acting white". In the city, my Native-ness makes me an object of curiosity and people treat me like I'm the representative of my culture. I feel like I have a mask for the reserve, a mask for work, a mask for who I am with friends, and a mask for when I'm dealing with racism in the city. 

My love of Mystique is because of her shape-shifting. Who wouldn't want to be skinnier, dark skinned, light skinned, blonde, blue-eyed, or whatever society thinks is acceptable. But I feel like I would be pieces of what was acceptable. I'm too pale for a Native, I'm too "foreign-looking" to be white, I'm too tall for a woman, my hair is too short to be pretty. 

Despite her being a villain, I think she was sent down that path for the bullying, the criticism and the hatred she faced. Even though I wouldn't follow the same path, I feel like her and I have a similar belief about being proud of who we are despite the criticism.

Nightcrawler: They say you can imitate anybody, even their voice. 

Mystique: *in Nightcrawler's voice* Even their voice.

Nightcrawler: Then why not stay in disguise all the time? You know, look like everyone else. 

 Mystique: Because we shouldn't have to. 

 I've always wanted to cosplay as Mystique but I wasn't about to put on a body suit to do it. Finally, I decided I was going to go as Mystique turning into me. With my newly bleached hair, I dyed a bit of my hair shocking red and got my face painted blue. I also put a yellow contact into one eye. 

What I wore to today's events at the C4 Con.

I really liked the way it worked out and I was glad to do only a small part of my face. I don't think the real Mystique would appreciate hiding who you really are even if you were pretending to be her.

I think I might be brave enough to do a body suit....one day.

What is old is new again

I went to see the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie a few days ago because I had the Scene points to get a free D-Box ticket and popcorn to boot. I also have a soft spot for TMNT no matter how terrible the subject matter.

Donatello is my favourite. Always a soft spot for an intelligent man.

I headed over to the theatre after work and saw an earlier presentation and there were loads of kids in the audience. I was also surprised to see so many little girls.

The only time I ever felt lonely as a child was when I didn't have friends who were into the same things I was. Being a nerdy Native little girl in the middle of nowhere meant I read a lot, played a lot of video games, and watched a lot of TV. And I fell in love with a lot of things: Power Rangers, TMNT, Super Mario, and Legend of Zelda.

When I moved to the city, I became friends with a lot of nerds and spent a lot of time online meeting more. I was surprised to see how possessive other nerds were about the things they loved. The only thing I ever really felt possessive over was Hawksley Workman and it was only because I wanted him to stay weird and awesome and just for me! I couldn't imagine being possessive of something like Power Rangers or TMNT so it's always strange to see 30-year-old dudes on Twitter complaining about kids being into things they digged when they were kids.

I was talking to my sister's boyfriend about it (As he is a huge Transformers fan) and I asked him what he thought about nerds being possessive of things like Transformers, TMNT, and the like. He said that it tends to be wanting to see your favourite thing grow with you.

"Is the big ugly one shooting laser beams into the crib!?

In some ways I think that's true. I like when my favourite properties grow and create newer and stronger stories. I love how the Super Mario games went from the simple "Your princess is in another castle" to the absolutely heartbreaking story that made up most of Super Mario Galaxy.  I like how Majora's Mask makes more sense to me now as an adult than it did when I first played it at the age of 12. I also like how the Batman films have grown with me. Batman 89 being the film of my childhood and Dark Knight being the film of my adulthood.

But I like when properties create new stories but have shout outs to the old fans. I liked how the first Transformers brought back the majority of the voices for characters that 80s kids grew up with. I loved the cute little shout outs to the original games when I played Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door.

Bowser was so precious in this

I still don't understand hating new fans though. It usually seems related to media that is usually targeted to young men and boys. "Girls aren't into that sort of thing", etc. However, I think it's cool as hell to see little girls getting into something that was the domain of men. Yeah, love Barbies but don't feel like you can't like something because you're a girl.  I am not completely innocent though as I don't like to share. I once saw a guy I disliked dressed as the Terrance Stamp version of General Zod and I wanted to beat him up and take his lunch money.

But I could never hate on a kid being into something I love. My friend Devon's son was asking me how to play Luigi's Mansion when we both got the game for Christmas last year. I was happy to help him figure out how to use that vacuum. I got into a fun argument with a kid during the midnight showing of the first Hobbit when we were saying who had waited the longest for the movie. (Him: WELL YOU'RE OLDER THAN ME). I also loved seeing so many little girls checking out the new Turtles movie.

Little kids being into the things I love means they're always going to be around. I'll be 80 taking a grandchild to see another reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They'll always be teens to me. 

Don't call me 'Junior'!

 

-I can remember the last time we had a drink together. I had a milkshake. but, we didn't talk, we've never talked. Only if you were a regular dad just like the other boy's dad, this would be different. 

-I was a wonderful father. Did I ever tell you to eat up, go to bed, wash your ears, do your homework? No, I respected your privacy and I taught you self reliance. 

After going through my past blog posts, I noticed that I talked a lot about my dad and my sister but not so much about my mom. My mom and I are quite similar: we're both determined, we're both intelligent, and we're both the incredibly spoiled first born children of our parents. So we would yell at each other a lot as you always dislike personality traits of yourself when you see them in others. Because she yelled at me a lot more than she did my sister, I assumed she didn't like me. As a child, I assumed that she and I weren't close at all as we didn't have the sort of relationship I had with my Dad. 

Though my dad was free and loose with his affection towards me and always being supportive, my mother was very reserved with her affection. 

I apparently look scarily a lot like her.

My mom believes in me but she wanted me to be able to go it alone if I had to. She was the safe point from which I could explore the world. When I had to present a poem I wrote to a huge audience at my school's assembly, my mom sat in the front row. As I motored through that 10 line poem, I finished and ran into the arms of my mom who just smiled and held me, knowing how nervous I was. When she was affectionate, it mattered to me. And she never doubted me. When I was worried that I'd never get into law school and later found out I got into 3 of the 5 I applied to, she laughed and said, "Was there ever any doubt?" 

However, my mom, not my dad, was the planter of the seeds for my love of films. All of my childhood favourites were put into our VCR by her. While my dad wanted me to watch movies like  A Little Mermaid, my mom would let me watch Batman, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and all the Indiana Jones movies. The latter being the reason I got so interested in traveling (though I never really went anywhere until I was 16 and even then that was only to Vancouver).

My mother is also the only parent I have that understands my depression because she has gone through it too. As a teen, she went through the same difficult time I did. She told me recently that thoughts like that never really go away. It's always been a fear of mine that I will never get better. Robin Williams' death just unsettled me because he was 60 and couldn't beat it his shadows. I'm almost 30 and feel so tired thinking of another 50 or so years fighting mine.

I look at my mother though and see the strength she needs to deal with her trips to dialysis. Her strength to deal with an affliction that makes walking difficult. The strength to be tired all the time but still do what she needs to do. My mom has survived on nothing but her own determination and I look to her to see the kind of person I want to be. I want to be as strong as her.

-----

You left, just as you were becoming interesting. 

-----

I think my moving away from home was what brought my mother and I closer together. With the distance, we annoy each other less and enjoy each other's company more. Our relationship is never going to be the stereotypical mother and daughter thing but I like the way we are. We're like Drs Henry Jones Sr and Jr with me as the Indiana. Our relationship is better as a heartfelt action adventure than a sappy drama.

-They're trying to kill us!
-I KNOW, DAD

The Girlhood Dream

Ms. Vida seems to think that I don't have a dream. Well, honey, I'm not Martin Luther King. I don't need a dream. I have a plan.

Noxemma Jackson, To Wong Foo

I met my friend Tyler in acting class. At first, I didn't like him because I thought he was a bit of a ham. One day, I wore my CM Punk shirt to class. I only wear really nondescript wrestling shirts as the really obvious ones are ugly (and rarely come in a ladies' size anyway) so I was really surprised when Tyler complimented me on my shirt and we started our friendship over our love for wrestling.

If finding an awesome ladies size wrestling shirt is hard, finding a friend who likes pro wrestling as an art is even harder. Our conversations on Wade Barrett and Damien Sandow also included conversations about Nigel McGuinness and Colt Cabana and we could talk about the fun and the technical sides. 

When Tyler asked me if I thought he could be a wrestler, I told him the truth. It's hard. I wanted to be a wrestler but it's such a long way to get to the point where you "succeed". For me, I didn't look like a stereotypical female fit model slash actress slash wrestler. For Tyler, he didn't look like the steroid freak mastodons that the Vince McMahons of the world love.

But he didn't let that stop him. He went to Storm Academy in Calgary and trained and I supported him as much as I could. He was doing something I always wanted to do but felt so beaten before I even began.

Tonight I went to check out a local wrestling event as I really, really wanted to hit on Colt Cabana (shut up) and I was really surprised to see Tyler come out during the battle royale match. I cheered like an idiot and cheered even harder when he executed a freakin' beautiful hurricarana. During the intermission, I went to hug him and was just so proud to see him wrestling FOR REAL. 

Dreams are easy to have but actually going for them isn't. There are a lot of hurdles. Most of my hurdles were things that made me tired before I even started. The scornful looks I got when I amateur wrestled as a kid and the realization that there are barely any female main events in the WWE. I am sad I didn't say "fuck it" and go anyway. But I don't regret where my path has led me towards another dream. I just wish I had been as strong as Tyler to at least try. 

When Tyler had his second match, he and I had an epic high five as he circled the ring to slap the hands of the crowd that reached out. Seeing Tyler in the ring, even if it wasn't WWE, inspired me to dream big and just go for it. I aim to be as big as Tarantino, to make art, to do everything and anything I can. My fear may have ended one dream but the inspiration from Tyler made me realize I didn't want it to end another.

This is awesome! *Clap, clap, clap, clap*

I want you to know that you don't need me anymore

 This song is about letting go of someone you don't want to let go of.

Grief is so bittersweet to me. It's so amazing to me that you can love somebody so much that their loss leaves a mark on you forever.

It's been 10 years since my grandmother's death but I can still feel a hole in my soul that echoes inside every so often. Though I got so annoyed that her constant attempts to control my life, you don't forget someone like her. My grandma with her wrinkled hands covered in flour, her black and white hair, and her laugh. I see a lot of her in my sister and every time my sister does something that reminds me of our grandmother, it's like she's still here.

One of my friends is currently dealing with her own grandmother's illness and I told her that there's never enough time and even when you're expecting it, the end is always too soon. I was reminded of one of my favourite quotes from The Lord of the Rings:

'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo.
'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'

Fear is not going to stop our loved ones from leaving us. However deciding to just enjoy the time we do have helps make things easier in the end. I have so many good memories of my grandmother and it's what I hold in my heart. I'm glad for every moment I had with her and for her love that still affects me.

kisâkihitin nôhkom (even though you'd totally hate me for speaking Cree)

I've got you under my skin.

At dinner before the tattoo appointment, my sister kept punching me in the arm randomly. "What the hell?!" I asked.

"Just preparing your arm for the appointment." She said helpfully and punched me again.

In December, I met with Bram at Rebel Waltz tattoo after my friend Andee recommended him to me. After realizing his style suited what I wanted for my tattoo, I put down a 50 dollar deposit just to prove to myself that I was going to do it. The appointment was set for January 14th.

For the next few weeks, I went from extremely excited about finally finding a design I liked to becoming extremely horrified that I was going to have something on my arm until after I started to decompose. My sister was certain I was going to chicken out. My mom was worried that it was going to look ugly. My dad was like, "Do what you want, my girl!"

I've always wanted a tattoo but I weigh the pros and cons of everything. However, I knew that the tattoo was something I wanted and I hadn't been so sure of something in a long time. The plan was going to get 5 crows going from the halfway point of my left bicep up my shoulder and onto my chest. In the days leading up to the 14th, whenever I'd get nervous, I'd lift the sleeve of my t-shirt to look at my bare arm and think about how cool Bram's work was going to look once it was on.

I was 75% ready, 25% nervous. But, as I left a deposit, I knew someone was going to get a tattoo either Bram or me.

On the day, Bram created a stencil and put it on my arm while I nervously jittered about. He started up the extremely loud and dentist-ry like tattoo machine and I held my sister's hand. My sister's eyes seem to say, "Last chance". Bram dipped the needle into the ink and the buzz started.

And I was ok. When it started, I felt relief. I was finally getting my tattoo after living in the "should I/shouldn't I" fog for a long time. And it didn't even hurt.

That was until Bram got to crow 4 at the top of my shoulder and the way he pulled on the skin and the way the needle cut, I felt like he was slitting my throat. I had told him I wasn't sure about crow 5 (the one on my chest) when he put the stencil on so when he finished 4, he asked if I wanted 5. After unclenching my teeth after the pain of 4, I said, "Nah, let's just end there".

My sister looked at it from her seat at the other side of the table I was lying on and said, "It's so nice! It almost makes me want to get one.....almost". 

I bled like a crazy person and my white tank top on the left side was spotted in blood and black ink. Bram gestured me to the huge mirror in his studio and I stood up and checked it out. Love at first sight.

*Poke* Ow! Quit it!

The days that followed were PAINFUL. I felt like I had the skin peeled back from my shoulder but not even the pain would stop me from checking out the healing progress and just marveling at the beauty of it all. I also had to dodge my sister and mom from poking me in the arm as it healed.

It's healed beautifully and the worries I had of regretting were for naught.

I can't wait for bare arm season

The tattoo is a sort of tribute to my grandma. My grandma had a pet wild crow that she fed on her deck that she tried to bring into the house one day. The crow didn't want to live in her house so it bit her. My grandma chased it off and stopped leaving bannock out for it. I felt like that crow during my childhood. I also feel that stopping at 4 was sort of meant to be and it feels like it could represent my dad, my mom, my sister and I.

It has a mishmash of meanings to me. However I decided on it because it just looked damned beautiful.

I really want to get another one but I think I'll wait until after I forget the pain of crow 4.