LLAP

I've mentioned numerous times that I'm a bit of a Trekkie.

 Marooned on some sort of ice planet. I think they call it 'Winnipeg'

I adored The Original Series as a child and felt like a grown-up when I watched The Next Generation. I've also mentioned numerous times that I was a huge weirdo as a child, never quite feeling comfortable in my own skin and annoying everyone with my anger at myself for not fitting in.

It's why I identified with the characters trying to find their humanity. I loved Data as he tried to learn what it was to be a human being. And I loved Spock as he dealt with his nature as a Vulcan and how that was at odds with being a human as well.

Leonard Nimoy died today. For some reason, I always felt like he was above death and would always be here. As I was cabbing it home with my mother from a doctor's appointment, I read on Facebook about Nimoy's death and told her about it. I also started to think about how his character helped me out as a little girl. I posted my thoughts to Twitter:

 

I've always wanted to speak Cree. It was the secret language of my parents and grandparents, used when they talked about money problems (which was a lot) or about the behaviour of my sister or I (which was also a lot). And despite how my grandmother and grandpa give me everything I ever whined for, Cree was never allowed. When my dad would sneak a few words to me to repeat back, my grandma would laugh her ass off at my poor pronunciation and shame me into never wanting to try again.

It makes you feel like an alien in your own family. I'm not sure how my sister feels about it but I imagine it's similar. There was a gap formed between our grandparents and us. Never being able to communicate and being treated differently because we were different. Internalized racism or just wanting to talk secretly without kids listening, it was negative. I always loved listening to my mom speaking to my grandmother in rapid fire Cree and talking to my Dad about Cree words and feelings that didn't have a translation into English. 

Cree was my human side and English was my Vulcan side while never being very comfortable with either. My interest in science fiction is largely because of my background as an Aboriginal person. Since I lacked stories about Native girls, I took what I could from the heroes I found dealing with similar situations to mine. These heroes were often found in sci-fi. I can understand why Trekkies are so hardcore with their love and devotion of the show because a lot of fans are as emotionally tied to the show as I am.

Plus Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home was like the best movie ever. 

So I thank Leonard Nimoy for his portrayal as Spock. For helping this once little and always weird Native girl feel that her feet being in two worlds wasn't always going to be a struggle. You could always be two and one at the same time. It's only logical.

Fascinating

Lots of love to you, Mr. Nimoy, as you return to the stars.

 

EDIT: Updated to add this lovely article from Buzzfeed